May

12

What I have heard

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She thinks the monkey is the Sultan.
Aladdin, Aladdin

Hey, Yuri, don’t smush packages…what are you, kidding me?
DHL Commercial

There is no end to the hilarity.
Dave Barry, Dave Barry’s Guide To Computers

I’ll just switch the tapes, and none will be the wiser!
Homestar Runner

Nice kid, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.
Foghorn Leghorn

But what about the rabbits, George?
Lenny, Of Mice and Men

Do me a personal favor. Take the pen.
Jack Klompus, Seinfeld, “The Pen”

Sure, I heard of grits. I just never actually seen a grit before.
Vinny, My Cousin Vinny

Narf!
Pinky, Pinky And The Brain

Poit!
Pinky, Pinky And The Brain

Troz!
Pinky, Pinky And The Brain

Zort!
Pinky, Pinky And The Brain

A Jose Conseco bat?
Raphael, TMNT

R17 is not a fixed velocity, but it is clearly far too fast.
The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy

Is everybody in this goddamn house named Bobby Ricigliano?
Ricardo, Made

Yeah. That’s my per diem. So who do I give it to?
Ricky Slade, Made

I’m going to make Gretzky’s head bleed for Super Fan Number 99 over here.
Trent, Swingers

Michael, is he clean? Invite him in for cocktails.
Trent, Swingers

Are you Jimmy Ray?
Jimmy Ray, “Are You Jimmy Ray?”

I am beyond a user—the PowerBook never leaves a 6-foot radius of my body.
Alton Brown

That ain’t workin’. That’s the way you do it. You play the guitar on the MTV.
Dire Straits, “Money For Nothing”

I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.
Principal Rooney, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?
Wayne Brady, Chappelle’s Show

No, I think it’s the opposite of funny. I think it’s…wood.
Cory, Boy Meets World

What does God need with a starship?
James Kirk, Star Trek V

You don’t know where I’ve been, Lou. You don’t know where I’ve been!
Tyler Durden, Fight Club

An ordinary personal computer makes Macintosh even easier to understand.
Mac Ad, c. 1984

Gotta rock the screen with cosine graphing on my calculator.
Five Iron Frenzy, “You Can’t Handle This”

It’s easy to be a saint in paradise.
Sisko, ST:DS9, “The Maquis, Part II”

Ah, what do you know from funny?
White Guy In Barber Shop, Coming To America

One, two, three, fourteen.
Bono, “Vertigo”

I say there, monstrosity, do you know the times?
Homestar Runner, SB Email 119

The universe is a spheroid region 705 meters in diameter.
Ship’s Computer, ST:TNG, “Remember Me”

I will try some of your burned, replicated bird meat.
Kurn, ST:TNG, “Sins Of The Father”

Don’t panic.
The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy

Rupert, did you call that engineer at Lockheed yet?
Stewie, Family Guy, “Brian: Portrait Of A Dog”

You’re too late. We’re everywhere.
Changeling, ST:DS9, “The Adversary”

Muffins are surprisingly high in calories. The pyramids were built by Sears.
Frink Sr., The Simpsons, “Treehouse of Horror XIV”

You know what Frank said? Joe Louis is 137 years old. 137 years old!
Barber, Coming to America

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
Steven Wright

But it wasn’t a rock—it was a rock lobster!
The B-52s, “Rock Lobster”

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