Dec

11

Always Call Tech Support Twice

Filed Under Apple | Leave a Comment

Maybe this is standard knowledge, but I think I’ve finally confirmed my Grand Unified Theory of Calling Tech Support. It’s simple: always call twice. My PowerBook’s AC adapter has finally bit the big one (as you might expect from looking at the reviews on Apple’s product page), and I’ve got AppleCare, so I gave the fine folks a call to see what they could do for me. The first rep I talked to was, I swear, Orlando Jones’s character in Office Space before he revealed he was an out-of-work programmer. The dialog went something like this:

Orlando: Hello and thank you for calling AppleCare may I have the serial number of your Apple product.

Me: It’s QWERTY12345.

Orlando [after a brief pause]: I see that we do not have any record of a service agreement for your Apple product you may obtain official support for this incident for a price of $49.95 and this support will extend until five days from the date of the original incident also if you have an internet connection you may obtain online support at apple.com.

Me: Okay, but the thing is I do have a service agreement.

Orlando: I am not disputing that sir but we do not have a record of a service agreement for your Apple product you can call us back with the Agreement Number from 9 to 6 Pacific time.

Me: I don’t have the Agreement Number, but I don’t see how there’s no record of an agreement, especially since it’s been in for service under AppleCare before.

Orlando: And who did you send the Apple product to for service?

Me: AppleCare.

Orlando: Okay, well, we do not have a record of a service agreement for your Apple Product you can call us back with the Agreement Number from 9 to 6 Pacific time.

Me: I understand that you keep saying that, but I don’t have the Agreement Number.

More of the same followed, until I hung up in exasperation. I called back the next day, spoke to a different, more friendly movie character (the state-appointed attorney in My Cousin Vinny), and had my new power adapter within two days. I’ll never know what made the second rep’s computer screen look different from the first’s, but the whole process was completely painless once I made that second call. (Well, mostly painless at least. All AppleCare phone calls are routed through a special device that drops every other second of audio, and also overlays some soothing white noise over the signal. The effect is doubled for the hold music, except for the part with the female voice that says, “Please wait. BOOP BEEEEEP.”

So there you have it. Always call twice, unless you’re calling to cancel AOL, in which case call three times and yell a lot.

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